The Hidden Effects of Childhood Abuse and Trauma
Childhood
I recently read a phenomenal book by John Bradshaw - Creating Love 1. He discusses at length the dysfunctional ways in which we learn to love through conditioning from our cultures and families. He also digs deeply into child abuse and I found it significant that he says "Emotional abuse is the most common form of child abuse".
The more I read about our childhood and the effect it continuous to have on us, the more I'm astounded at how "unaware" I've been until very recently. I’m 44 now and until about 5 years ago, I believed wholeheartedly I had a fantastic childhood. It’s only now that I am able to admit how much “stuff” I have as a result of my parents’ behaviour when I was growing up.
I do know and acknowledge that my parents did the very best they could and that’s why I never wanted to blame or pass judgement. The fact is that even when they do their utmost best, we were all deeply affected by our parents and how they behaved. A small child might experience a shouting, angry man triple their size as extremely traumatic. A father might simply be expressing his irritation after a hard day at the office, but the child experiences enormous fear for their survival and safety.
Beliefs
During the first 6 years of a child’s life, the brain mainly operates in Delta and Theta waves. This is the state that a hypnotist drops his client into. In this state, the child is exceptionally suggestible and everything that happens and /or is being said, goes into the child’s mind as “The Truth”.
Another challenge is that we're like the little goldfish in water. We're not aware of the water because that's all we've ever known. We're not aware of the unintentional abuse because it seemed "normal" to us. We didn’t know anything else. “Water” was all there was. Emotional abuse by my often-angry, very strict father felt completely normal.
During these early years, most of our beliefs about ourselves, life, others, safety in the world, money and relationships are formed. As adults, we run the same programs we learnt as children – UNLESS we find a way to change them.
Leading trauma specialist, Dr Robert Scaer outlines in “The Body Bears the Burden” 2, that when safety boundaries have been compromised, the severity of other traumatic events that follow in life, is a matter of perception. Any new implied threat could be perceived as far more dangerous than it really is. In other words – your body could prepare to “fight or flee” at the sound of a door slamming, by sending loads of cortisol, adrenaline and other chemicals into your system.
The result of my childhood experiences?
I have been afraid to speak my truth for as long as I can remember. I avoid confrontation at all costs. I’m afraid of voicing an opinion in case it is disapproved of. Anxiety, sleeplessness, depression. Fear of public speaking. Counting my words. Walking on eggshells. Not very empowering at all…
The effect of trauma
I attended a profound Matrix Reimprinting course (with EFT 3 Master Karl Dawson) in February 2011. In the light of the techniques he taught (to work with our younger selves and resolve the traumas we experienced), I found this quote of John Bradshaw quite profound:
"A major consequence of [physical] abuse is to live in fear. When the abuse is chronic, the fear becomes terror. The fear/terror response can be so intense as to cause permanent brain chemistry imbalance. The June 18, 1990 issue of The New York Times reported on a study from the National Centre for the study of PTSD. This study concluded that ‘one catastrophic experience when one is powerless is enough to change brain chemistry’.
The way the brain chemistry is changed has to do with the body's natural defence system. When a person encounters a severe threat, the brain releases certain hormones called catecholamines. These hormones increase the body's strength, preparing it to fight or run. This hormonal increase is the core of the emotions of anger and fear. These are the emotions that provide us the energy of self-preservation.
Children who face traumatic abuse from their survival figures have no place to run. Unable to run or fight, the children may ‘freeze’. When they freeze, they enter a trance state, a state in which they remain hyper vigilant. The rheostat button that controls the flow of catecholamines gets stuck and the brain keeps releasing the hormones even though the primary threat has passed. This state is commonly described as one of hyper vigilance, panic attacks, over reactivity, or excessive worrying.
A child with unresolved trauma is frozen in time. When any new experience resembling the old trauma occurs, the old trauma is activated. They experience the old threat in all its fearful potential. They then overreact, responding as if the old threat were actually there.
People who have been traumatized continually distort the facts of present reality. They had to distort the facts of the original trauma to survive. Abuse creates a kind of bewitchment. PTSD is characterized by this frozen state of ungrieved trauma. Physically abused children have many of the same traits as PTSD victims. (Actually any form of violation creates some of these traits.) They are hyper vigilant, over reactive, and easily startled." (Johan Bradshaw, Creating Love, p 47, 48)
The good news
If you read this and have been abused (on any level) or know of someone who has... this is definitely not the end of the line. There is help available to neutralize the trauma that occurred and recreate those traumatic memories. Cutting edge techniques can discharge the original trauma, “defrost” the freeze response and help the victim to move through the trauma and create something very empowering in its place.
In any traumatic event, a person probably makes a decision (on a very unconscious level) about life, themselves, the world, and other people. Something like "the world is not a safe place" or "I have to do everything alone" or "I'm un-loveable unless I'm perfect". During the trauma, the brain stores the pictures of the event and these pictures are very powerful. We will tend to recreate similar events in our lives over and over (again, unconsciously), because of the limiting belief and pictures held in the subconscious mind.
Matrix Reimprinting is by far the most effective way I've found to completely eliminate this "freeze" response created in moments of helplessness AND to create empowering beliefs in the same process.
During a Matrix Reimprinting session, a trauma is resolved and completely discharged. The part of us that experienced the trauma, is “rescued” so to speak, and taken out of the trauma situation. New “pictures” or scenes are created in the mind and old limiting beliefs are replaced with new empowering beliefs.
I've been working with myself and have transformed a few of my traumatic memories. I have experienced astounding shifts in areas like fear of pain, fear of public speaking and confidence.
This work is possible over Skype or a telephone. A great benefit of this work is that the original trauma is NOT re-experienced. Clients experience calmness, confidence, “growing taller”, profound peace and a whole range of other powerful positive emotions during and after the session.
The results we create in our careers and personal life can completely turn around when 1) trauma is removed AND 2) we set our attraction point to a different vibration as a result of imprinting new pictures in the subconscious mind. Both of these occur in a Matrix Reimprinting session.
I'm excited to say that the sky is the limit with EFT and Matrix Reimprinting. What do you want to create instead of what you have? It’s possible!
Resources:
1 John Bradshaw, Creating Love (1994). His website: www.johnbradshaw.com
2 Dr Robert Scaer, The Body Bears the Burden (2007). His website: http://www.traumasoma.com/
3 EFT is the abbreviation for “Emotional Freedom Techniques”. A trauma-release technique developed in the late 80’s, early 90’s by an Engineer, Gary Craig. There are only 29 EFT Masters worldwide. Karl Dawson is one of them. He lives in the UK and created the technique called Matrix Reimprinting, flowing out from EFT.
Karl Dawson’s website: www.efttrainingcourses.net, or http://www.matrixreimprinting.com/ .
